Hippocrates, Helen Fisher, and the Only Four Kinds of People You'll Ever Meet

In 370 BCE, the great Greek philosopher Hippocrates was chilling out in the local public square (no one had invented the mall yet) and doing a little scientific inquiry.  In modern jargon we’d call this  "people watching."  As he hung out and observed, he realized people fell into roughly four groups: the pushy ones, the ones that talk too much, the anal retentive, and those who think the sky is falling. Of course he called them by different names, because he spoke Greek, but you get the idea.

Fast forward to circa 2008 ACE. Helen Fisher, noted anthropologist, chilling out in the local research lab doing a little scientific inquiry.  In modern jargon we’d call this "people watching."  Along with some neuroscientists, she discovered that people fall into roughly four groups. The pushy ones, the ones that talk too much, the anal retentive, and those who think the sky is falling. Of course she called them by different names, because scientific terminology always pretties things up, but you get the idea.

Not to be outdone by an ancient Greek who never owned a smart phone––or a single pair of pants––Fischer and the neuroscientists tied the four personality groups to four brain chemicals. Dopamine, O estrogen, testosterone and serotonin, respectively.

Top dating sites have taken the Fischer study (about 40,000 people strong), and built their business model around her neural algorithm.  They are busy matching people up based on "compatibility." In other words the pushy people hook up with pushy people, the noisy people with other noisy people and so on.

In modern times, we’ve progressed exactly how far?  For a society that can boast both space travel and whatever this is, we still fall into a few select personality buckets, and our derivative wants and needs are shockingly predictable. The pushy people have been making morning traffic unbearable since the invention of the chariot. The anal retentive among us are still a pain in the ass when you find them on your core team at work. Not to mention the noisy people, who are guaranteed to be sitting in the row behind you next time you go to the movies. And the worriers started fretting about the collapse of society about half an hour after society began.

I wonder what Hippocrates would think if you could plunk him down in the middle of a mall on a summer day for a half hour or so. Assuming he could get past all those smart phones and pants, would he really be surprised by what he would discover?

We can put people in fMRI’s, chart their brain activity, predict their next epiphany and discern the neural chemical mix that dictates personality, but in the end, for all our technical prowess, modern society is largely a continuation of the ancients. One trip to the mall confirms this. Sadly, as a social species we’ve made very little progress, Cinnabon not withstanding.